OUR JOURNEY CONTINUES( Day 4)

 OUR JOURNEY CONTINUES (Day 4)


I've been back in New York now for four weeks. While visiting mom I was sure to have paper and pen with me so I would be able to write down what I was feeling. There were days when I wrote nothing and days when my thoughts and emotions just overflowed as I scribbled away.

Today is the first day that I pulled out my notes, and for the next month or two, I will be documenting in sequence what I was feeling.

Day 4: I awoke today feeling good about mom yet when I reached the nursing home I started to feel a little queasy. After entering the facility and signing in, my husband and I took the elevator to the second floor.

It took a while to find mom, as usual, she was roaming the halls in her Merry Walker. Mom was clearly not having a great day. She appeared to be tired and most of what she had to say was about going home.

I heard mom "crying out" as if she hoped that we could help her. "Take me home my mother is waiting for me,"she pleaded . I need to go home and take care of my children." This was something that mom spoke about on many days.

Since this was in the beginning of our visits it really did upset me. I quickly learned to make the best of it and play along with her. On other visits when she mentioned that her mom was looking for her and I would say "Mom I spoke to your mom and she is okay." Mom would then look at me and with surprise in her voice, "you spoke to my mom?" "Yes mom, I did."

 I realized now why my mom never stops roaming the halls. She has made comments that she is almost home, and with each corner that she turns she seems to think that she'll find it. Her eyes wander into the different rooms as she keeps searching.

At these moments, when she is looking for her children, her memory takes her back to when my brother and I were infants. She cannot visualize us as grownups. When I share with her that I am her daughter she looks confused while at other times her face lights up and quickly tells me that she loves me.

I try not to focus on the sadness of this disease Most of the time I am able to stay in the moment and remain grateful that mom can still walk and talk. So for now I choose to be thankful for each day that we can still share together.

 

MY MOM MY HERO book is for all the special Mom's in your lives. Over 200 great reviews.

Available on Amazon , Kindle & Audio worldwide.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389797650&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch

SHE MAKE ME SMILE, SHE MAKES ME LAUGH

SHE MAKES ME SMILE, SHE MAKES ME LAUGH.....

Mom knows how to melt my heart without even trying. It was not always like this, yet for the last ten years my unconditional love for her has grown to levels that I cannot explain. The most amazing thing is that I was given a second chance to love her completely.

Yes, she was always my mother, and I always loved her. I was just not in touch with how deeply I cared. It took her getting Alzheimer's for me to fall madly and completely in "awe" of her.

For four weeks my husband and I spent every day visiting mom in her nursing home. Since I live in New York my visits have consisted of just a couple of days every few months. Although each  December my husband and I would visit for a week this trip was different since we were able to spend some precious and meaningful time with her.

Since my return I miss mom even more and on most days I like to play some of the videos that I recorded. They keep me feeling like I am still with her. Just sending my love to her through the nurses is not nearly enough anymore.

These videos have me connected to her in a very different way. Being a long distant caregiver can be difficult. I have learned to accept the distance between us yet it does not make any of this easier.

We've been home for three weeks now and my brother just sent me a special message. He said "mom has been in really good moods recently and it is either from your visits or from her finally settling in (August was one year since mom entered the nursing home) or maybe both."

When I shared this with my husband we both smiled and said the same thing. We were sure that we made a difference in mom's life, and what is more amazing is that she did the same thing for us.

We both seem to feel a deeper inner peace, for me my heart has been glowing, not only for my mom, but also for the man I married thirty four years ago.

Please watch this precious and touching video. It is only 3 1/2 minutes long . I promise that it is both uplifting, inspiring and filled with love.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_TT_cOp3Hs&feature=youtu.be

MOM MY SWEET VALENTINE

 

 MOM MY SWEET VALENTINE

I've been back for two weeks now and as each day goes by the distance that lies between mom and I becomes greater. I am still feeling the joys of the "miraculous" time that I was able to spend with her, yet I really do miss her, and wish that I did not live so far away.

In some ways I was happier when I was able to see her each day. My brother calls once a week when he visits so mom and I can connect. With these calls I do get to hear her sing songs and tell me that she loves me. Still the presence of not being able to be with her leaves me feeling some sadness.

I often wonder how she is really doing. The nurses always reassure me that she is okay. Yet when I was with her I was able to be aware if anything was troubling her. It also was thrilling to experience the happiness we added to her day.

February 14th is Valentine's Day, a time when we tell someone how much we love them. Yes, my husband is my special Valentine, but he shares this day with someone else.

My other sweetheart that I cannot deny, is my mother. In many ways our roles have reversed yet I cannot forget all that she has given me.

So I'd like to dedicate this to My Valentine, My Mom:

Mom you were the one who brought me into this world and showed me the difference between right and wrong.

You were the one I leaned upon as you protected me.

When I was feeling sad you somehow brightened my day.

You were the one who cared for me and put up with my childish ways.

You were my best friend, my heart and soul even when I did not know.

You were one of my biggest fans and believed in me as I was finding my way.

When I was feeling insecure you were the one who taught me to believe in myself.

 And no matter whether you know my name or who I am, you will always be my mother.

Mom, I love and cherish you forever. You are truly my sweet Valentine.

 

MY MOM MY HERO is for all the special Mom's in your lives. Over 200 great reviews.

Available on Amazon & Kindle & Audio worldwide.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers-A-daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389797650&sr=8-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch

 

OUR "MAGICAL JOURNEY" RIDE

 

OUR "MAGICAL JOURNEY" RIDE

I have been trying to decide what I would like to share with you about my four week visit with my mom. I plan other blog entries about my visit, but thought my first entry should be about how I am feeling right now.

My spirit is feeling so light with an inner happiness I find hard to explain. I notice how upbeat I feel accompanied by a joyous glow. Being able to spend almost every day visiting mom was uplifting.

This was a trip that I planned  a year ago not knowing how much longer mom would be able to communicate with me. For the very first time (in the ten years that mom has Alzheimer's) I was not a long distant caregiver. I became her "daily "caregiver and, as if mom had a sixth sense, each day that I visited her, she became more and more responsive.

She appeared elated each day that my husband and I called her name as we found her wandering the hallways in her Merry Walker. I was so lucky to have my best friend, my husband, accompany me on every visit. Mom was so enamored with him, although she could not understand nor remember that he was her son- in- law for the last thirty-five years.

The two questions that everyone has asked of me since I returned home is "How is your mom doing?" and "Does your mom know you"? My answers have always been, " Mom is doing great and although she may not always say that I am her daughter I know that she knows who I am." Even when she did not seem to distinguish me, she then would suddenly call out my name Lees(short for Lisa) to come walk with her.

The other day my brother went to see her. He called me( back in NYC) and mom sounded so alive as she kept singing every song in the universe and telling me that she loved me. The very last thing mom said to me before we hung up the phone was "I never want anything to happen to you and I only want you to be happy. I love you and I will always be your mother."

My heart immediately skipped a beat and I knew how much our trip actually meant to her. I know that it really touched her and that my husband and I made a difference in her life.

I will never forget the time that I was able to spend with her and I will cherish it forever. For all of us this was truly "our magical journey ride", one that we all shared.



My book My Mom My Hero is available with over 200 reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Mom-Hero-Alzheimers--daughters-bittersweet/dp/0615773982/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400860930&sr=1-1&keywords=lisa+hirsch